17 weeks! YIKES!!

So it has been a little while since I have updated my blog. The truth is right now I am freakin out! Maybe not really but kindof. This is around the time that we have miscarried both times. First time was around 16 weeks and second time was 17 weeks. So far I am still pregnant. My doctor has taken me off work but I might be able to go back after my next appointment. So far everything looks really good. The baby is growing like he is suppose to and moving around like crazy! I haven't felt him yet but when we watch him on the ultrasounds he is doing flips and kicking and waving his little hands everywhere:) It is fun to watch. I kindof wish I had an ultrasound machine at home so I could just watch him! My cervix has gotten a little bit shorter but they said it isn't at a dangerous length yet. We sort of expected my cervix to get shorter just because that is what has happened in the past but this time we were prepared with a cerclage. As long as we don't shrink so much that it gets to that stitch we should be ok. My doctor is awesome and is keeping a great eye on me. I have everyone at the doctors office rooting for us it is kindof fun:)  I have battled some serious colds this year which hasn't made being pregnant any easier. I didn't know that one person could produce so much snot!
Something that I have been thinkin about lately is the fact that I don't really know how to be pregnant after 17 weeks. I feel like these first 17 weeks I am a pro at it. Ok so not really a pro but I at least know what to expect. All the symptoms that I have experienced I was expecting to happen. Like any new mother to be, every time I get pregnant I pull out the baby books. I have read the first few chapters of each of them like a million times but I don't really know what happens next. So obviously I am going to get bigger but that is about all I know. I am a little nervous about this but at the same time really excited to move on to something new! It will be nice to move on to the next chapter of my baby books! Thanks for reading! See you all next time!

Try not to Stress

It is always interesting how life throws these weird curve balls at you at the most inconvenient times. When I went to my follow up appointment after the surgery there were a couple of problems. The surgery itself was fine but I had lost more weight. I really don't know how this is even possible. I feel like I am always eating. She is concerned though. She started to ask me questions about work and is now wanting me to either move to day shift or stop working. She thinks, and I agree with her, that working graveyard is starting to take too much of a toll on me. I have been doing it for several years now and so it seems like I should be use to it and it should be more natural. Unfortunately, since I became pregnant it gets harder and harder. No matter how much sleep I get during the day I am dozing off at night. Forcing myself to stay awake when my body is saying its tired is too much stress. So now we are faced with an interesting problem. I can go to my bosses, which I plan to do, and ask to be moved to day shift. I know this isn't possible. I know this because of 2 things. 1. Everyone at this point is fighting for hours because we are in our slow season. and 2. I am the newest hire so I don't stand any ground taking someone elses hours. Not to mention that I was hired for graveyard specifically. So that leaves me with not working. I am scared not to work. That is the easiest way to explain it. I don't like not being able to pay my bills or put gas in my car or buy groceries. That stresses me out. I know we will be fine. Willy and I have survived some pretty crappy situations together so I know we can make it but it is still scary. What happens when he gets sick and neither one of us can work? Then how do we pay the bills? I took this week off to try and decide what I was going to do. I still haven't come to a complete decision but here is part of my thought process. Every parent struggles for their kids. I know my parents did. I know they worked harder for us than anything else. They did everything in their power to make sure we were healthy and fed and taken care of. I know I am not holding a baby in my arms yet but I still believe this baby deserves that from us. If I have to stop working and we have to struggle for a little while to make sure that this baby is healthy and taken care of then that is probably what I should do. I mean when this happens for us we have years of struggle ahead right? Isn't that how most parents feel? Not matter how much money they have? But I don't know many parents who would say it wasn't worth it. So my other argument to that is, they say pregnant women lack rational thought. Is this really a valid thought or am I just sounding crazy. I am sure there are a lot of people who would think because of where Willy and I are in our lives we should not even be considering having kids. We are no where near being financially stable. We don't own a house. Our truck is great but not exactly in the best shape. Not reliable enough to leave town, not to mention not really a family vehicle. Some people might even call us irresponsible for trying to have kids. So that is how I convince myself that I should just buck it up and continue working and just get over myself. What really sucks about all of this is that my doctor left it up to me. What she said was "I would love to take you off work for the rest of your pregnancy, but I am going to leave it up to you."  So I am open to any advise or suggestions anyone may have about this. I want honesty even if it may be harsh. Thanks for reading my rambling:) Love to all!

I wanna know..........

Well this has definately been a crazy week. I had to have surgery on Monday. I had a cerclage done. That is where they stitch your cervix to try and prevent early pregnancy. It is/was weird. I was awake through the entire procedure, which is an experience in and of itself. They gave me what they call a spinal. It is done the same way as an epidural. They inject medicine into your back to numb you from the waist down. This is apparently a common way for women to tolerate the pain of labor. It is horrible! I didn't like it when I had an epidural during the first miscarriage and I definately didn't like it this time. I don't like not being able to feel my legs. I guess it was better than being able to feel them stitch.  The doctor that performed the surgery told us before it started that about 1 in 100 women will suffer from so much pain that they have to stay in the hospital. My surgery started at 12:30 pm. We didn't go home until almost 8:30 pm and they had set up a room for me to stay. I always have to be that 1 in 100. When the medicine wore off it was seriously the worst, most uncomfortable pain. It hurt so bad it made me sick. So they wouldn't let me leave until 1, I could walk again, and 2, that I could go to the bathroom and 3, I stopped throwing up. All of those tasks were hard enough as it was not to mention the horrible pain. I did finally get it together enough to go home. Once I was home the recovery time was quick. By the next morning I was at least up and moving around like normal. It was still a little painful, and believe me, hard to get use to. Now everything is going well. The only time I can feel it or can tell that its even there is if I wait too long to pee and then the pressure causes a little bit of pain. (I try not to do that) The biggest downfall so far is....NO SEX!!! Probably something you all didn't need to know but its my blog:) That is 6 months people!!!! I keep telling myself that it will be worth it when we have the little baby! I have a follow up on Monday to make sure everything is still ok and that we have not developed any infections or anything like that. I am hoping (again) that we will find out if its a boy or girl. We are both pretty anxious to know. I don't have much more to report now. I am still excited and still really nervous. We are coming up on the witching hour, and I am trying to stay as positive as possible. Sometimes it is hard to be positive and realistic at the same time. During our second pregnancy, I kept telling myself that that won't happen again and put it out of my mind. This time I have to remind myself that it is a possibility without making it seem like I am being negative. It is harder to deal with the heartache if you are not prepared for it. I hope my babling isn't too confusing. Anyways, I hope you all have a great week and I will shoot out an update on Monday after my appointment. Thanks for reading:)