Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is the best time of the year! I love the holidays! Today (technically tomorrow still for me) is Thanksgiving and believe me I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Just to name a few: I am thankful for my family, my friends, my job, and my home. I am thankful for my awesome husband who is there with me through everything, good and bad. I am thankful for the oppertunity to try and have another baby as well. There is a lot more but that covers most of it. I am glad that we have a holiday to sort of reflect on those things that we are truley thankful for.
We had a doctors appointment today. She called me a few days ago and bumped my appointment up a few days because they found another infection:( bummer! At least I got started on the antibiotic and hopefully that will clear it up. I also have to start back on my antiviral medication for my hand. My arm has been giving me trouble for a couple of days and because that is usually how it starts she said we should get rid of it before it gets worse. Luckily the medication is safe to take while you are pregnant so I already have a prescription ready to go. On the up side, the baby is so healthy and growing and moving! It is so amazing to watch:) When we had the ultrasound (yea the one that was suppose to tell us boy or girl) the little one was moving soooo much! I have never seen that before in an ultrasound which I thought was weird because I have had so many. Most of the time the baby was sleeping so not a lot of movement. Not this time he/she couldn't hold still:) It is weird how, when they are still this small you can't feel it but when you see how much they are moving its hard to believe that you wouldn't be able to feel it. Another amazing thing is how much bigger the baby is than the last ultrasound. It has only been a week or two and the baby looks double its size! You can see facial features and make out the arms and legs!
I did get to tell my doctor today about my progress on smoking which made me feel good:) She was very happy to hear that I have done so well. So to fill all of you in, I started REALLY trying to quit on the 8th of this month. Since then I have smoked a couple of times. They were just a couple of drags and it was probably every 3 to 4 days that I would break down. Right now I have been 100% smoke free since the 17th of November! That is an entire 7 days people! For me this is amazing. I really didn't think I could do it. I plan to stick with it. My doctor said something funny to me, she said that she quit smoking by promising herself that she would smoke again when she was 80 years old:) She said at that point if you don't die of smoking it will be of old age or something else anyways. I guess whatever works for people. Another friend of mine always use to say "don't say you are quitting, just say that you are stopping for a couple of years" It is kindof soothing to think that I could smoke again someday. I know for some of you that may sound silly but it works! That doesn't mean that I will pick it back up but if it can help me through this moment in time I will use it.
Another positive note from my appointment is I gained a pound. YAY! hehe its nice to be able to say that and not feel bad that I am gaining weight. This just means that my tummy is finally starting to function normally again. Now I just have to be careful to not gain too much weight. I really want to do some water aerobics but I don't want to do it by myself. I don't know anyone else who is prego that could go with me. I do, however have a class through WIC next month where I might just meet someone who is prego and maybe someone who would want to do that as well. My dad always told me that swimming was one of the best excercises:) I always believed him just never really acted on it. Now because of being high risk and not really being able to workout, swimming is my best option. It would help me stay active without putting too much strain on me or the baby. If anyone knows anyone that wants to do this with me, let me know. There are a couple places in town that offer prenatal water aerobics. The last time I was pregnant in the middle of the summer I bought a maternity swim suit too. I got it at a great price from ebay. It actually came with 2 swimsuites so I have an extra if someone needs one.
I went into the maternity store the other day to try and find one of those belly belts. You know the band that you use to hold your pants up without buttoning them? Yea so I bought one because I can't button up my work pants anymore. The problem is that it doesn't really hold my pants up. I guess it does better than without anything but I am still constantly pulling up my pants and readjusting the band. Maybe its because my belly is not really that big. It might work better once I am a little farther along I guess. We will see. I hope so considering I spent almost $20 on it. I did see a lot of cute clothes in there. It could be really dangerous for me to spend too much time in there. It would be silly to have cuter maternity clothes than regular clothes but even more silly to buy regular clothes at this point. I believe I have enough sweatshirts and T-shirts to get through but I really think I am going to have to break down and buy maternity pants. Although those sweaters they had were SOOOOO cute!
Ok I think I have blabbed quite enough for today:) I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! In the words of Adam Sandler: "Turkey lurky doo and turkey lurky dot, I eat that turkey and I take a nap!" Love you all!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Excited and Nervous

Well I am starting to feel a little better. (from the cold not the morning sickness) It is the worst to be sick and pregnant at the same time. Its like double time sick. blah! I spent most of my weekend in bed resting. I was really feeling better until I got to work tonight. Then I spent the first 3 hours throwing up:( I haven't thrown up for days and it just came out of nowhere. I am over it! I am afraid that it has to do with the shift that I work. I have been working graveyard for several years now, you would think that my body would get use to it. I think it would be if I wasn't trying to grow a baby! I don't know how to get around this obsticle. I think for me and the baby it would be best to try for a different shift but I don't know that that is even possible here and Willy and I cannot afford for me not to work right now. The ultimate question is, If we do nothing and something goes wrong, will it be worth it? Probably not, but if I stop working and we struggle through the next few months and nothing goes wrong, will it be worth the stress and struggle? I guess if a baby is a result it would be worth it. I don't know. I don't like stressing about bills and money. We have done it and survived before but it doesn't make it any fun. Now would be the ideal time to win the lottery:) We will see what happens. For now I will just keep working.....throwing up...........and working.
I have been doing really well with the not smoking thing. I made it my 24 + hours from the last blog entry. I have had 2 slip ups since the 8th when I started. Both were just a couple drags of a cigarette, not even a whole cigarette! It has been a challenge for sure but I think I may have it locked down! Now I just gotta get Willy to quit too and we will be a smoke free household:)
My surgery is coming up on the 28th. I am a little nervous. It doesn't help that I keep having these horrible dreams about the outcome. You know when they put you under and then you are recovering? There is a few minutes where you can talk but you don't realize you are. For example, the last surgery I had, when I finally came to, the nurse was in the process of explaining to me that I had already told that story 20 times. lol, (it was obviously a good story) So in my dreams, I attack the nurse while I am in that state because she killed my baby! Horrible right! Not only the thought of attacking someone but the possibility that it could kill the baby. Not likely but you never know. The other dream that I keep having about it is, them not being able to finish because I was stubborn and decided to eat something before the surgery and then while I am under I start throwing up violently, so they have to stop. Ok I might be stubborn but ladies and gentleman I vow that I will definately NOT eat anything before the surgery. After a dream like that I wouldnt even think about food! I trust my doctor and I think that this is the best route for us but dreams like that definately make it hard to stay positive.
So my sister Christine is pregnant too:) She is due around the same time as me! I am excited that my baby will have a cousin close in age. I remember when I was younger and we had family get togethers, all of us kids always had such a good time with our cousins! Now we can do the same for our kids:)
I recently started a new job at the Oxford Hotel Bend. I was really excited to get this job. I wanted to use it as a stepping stone in a career move. This pregnancy has taken away from that a little bit. First of all, I don't think about much else. I am constantly thinking about babies and what life will be like with one. It is hard to come to work and focus on just work. I am trying. The second issue is of course the being sick. When you are sick at work you really don't do work. You manage to get done the bare minimum to get through the day. I don't think this reflects my work ethic very well. It honestly bothers me that I am not "excelling". When I work I want to be the best at what I do and I work really hard to do that. I can't seem to pull it together enough right now to make that happen. The last thing that I have come across is this, my boss (the general manager) works ALL the time! That was my ultimate goal, was to become a gm somewhere and sort of have my own hotel. In this business the GM gets stuck doing a lot of extra's. I don't want work to be my life. I want my family to be my life. I don't want to be in a position where I am obligated to leave my family at the drop of a dime to go to work. I know this works for some but I just don't think I am one of them. I don't want to not work at all but I don't want that kind of pressure while we are raising kids. Anyways, I love this job and the people I work for and with but I don't think this is my calling. hmm, I guess we will see.
There are a lot of things coming up that we just have to "wait and see" If you know me, you know this is a hard one for me to be ok with. I want answers and I want them now not later. I want to see the future:) Not exactly the whole future just the specific things I have questions about. Like is the third time really the charm?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Feeling Pregnant

I went to the doctor today. Everything is looking pretty good. My doctor is still waiting on results from one of the cultures they took but other than that, lookin good. We got to see the baby in an ultrasound. He/she was upsidedown:) The doctor said it is like the baby is in its own little kiddy pool swimmin the day away! Baby's little heart was beating and he/she is growing as expected. It's kindof a tear jerker to see that. I love it! I could seriously sit there for hours just watching. It is fun to see them move inside even if you can't feel it. We couldn't see if it was a boy or girl yet. Still too small BUT, we go in on the 21st and (assuming baby cooperates) she said there is a really good chance we would be able to tell. I am getting a lot of girl feedback this time around. Almost everyone I talk to is convinced it is a girl. I can't stop calling it a boy, so who really knows. I am anxious and excited to know!
My doctor was a little disappointed in me today, which made me feel bad. First, she was concerned because I have lost 4 pounds. She said that in the first trimester, losing weight is sometimes normal but, because I haven't been throwing up she is concerned that I am not eating enough. I don't understand how I have lost weight honestly. I guess maybe I don't eat enough but I sure feel like I do. Not to mention, I don't know how much ice cream I have eaten lately. No non-fat or anything either. Just plain old super yummy ice cream. I thought for sure I was going to be in trouble for gaining weight not losing it. I hope that we can get on the right track though. When I went to sign up for WIC, the nurse told me that based on my weight and height I should gain between 11 and 21 pounds during my pregnancy. I imagine that won't be hard once we get past this morning sickness (no its not gone yet). Although last time around I ended up losing over 20 pounds in the 17 weeks I was pregnant. I was sick the whole time though. I never got a break from being sick that time. It was literally every day all day. To eat something and keep it down was a huge task at that point. I haven't had as much of an issue this time around. Thank goodness! I suppose that is why I keep hoping that the morning sickness will pass. I hope I am not pulling the wool over my own eyes. She was also disappointed in the fact that I have not completely quit smoking. I know, I know I just need to quit. I can't figure out why this is so hard for me. I try, and try to find different ways to make it work but I always end up smoking again. I really wish I wouldn't have been so damn stubborn when I was younger (I blame you mom, and you can hold the "I told you so's") I should have never started smoking in the first place. It was the dumbest thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I have made some big mistakes. For those of you who have never smoked, don't, and those of you who use to smoke and quit, you amaze me, and for those still smoking.....good luck quitting, your gonna need it! I have made it a personal goal to not smoke a single cigarette for 24 hours straight starting 4:30am on 11/8/11. I will update tonight when I get to work and let you all know how I did:)
The other thing that I have been dealing with, which is more interesting than anything, is the dreams that I have. They are pretty intense, and by intense I mean very real like. A lot of them have people from my past in them, which is kindof interesting. The last week or so has been X-boyfriends....I know weird right. I guess maybe as a reminder of why I am not with them anymore? I don't know. It has been several different ones and all of them seem to be about breaking up with them. So in the beginning I am with this person again, and by the end we have broken up. Very strange but definately a good reminder that what I have in Willy is what I need. I am a lucky lady to have found the right one. And I suppose I owe all those x-boyfriends a thank you for showing me what I did NOT want in a guy:) Now when I get upset with Willy, I just have to say it could have been worse;) haha! Other dreams have consisted of babies of course and my dad. I am sad that my dad isn't here for this. And that is all I can say right now because I am at work and I can't start crying right now.
Well I better start rapping it up. I honestly could talk about it for days, but I will save some of it for another time! I am excited about what is to come! Oh I wanted to share a quote that I saw on facebook this morning.
"STOP being afraid of what could go wrong, and think of what could go right." Author unkown~
Such a simple phrase that means so much to me right now. It puts a smile on my face to think about all the things that could go right. I am looking forward to it! Love you all!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

1st Trimester....Take a Hike!

Well we are about at the end of the first trimester. I keep waiting for the magical day when I really start to feel better. I guess part of me is just expecting it to happen over night. Although that doesn't seem likely, it would be incredibly nice. I am getting tired of being tired and sick every single day of my life! uggg! I also miss my friends and family! I keep trying to make plans and end up having to cancel because I don't feel up to it. That is frusterating for me and I know you all miss me too;) It will get better.....right?...
We are coming up on the holiday season! I am excited for it all! Especially the super yummy food for Thanksgiving and then the decorating for Christmas! YAY for that! All I can say is that it would be a very sad day if I was sick on Thanksgiving. I am kindof excited to have an excuse to eat for 2;) Normally I would just do it anyways but now I can tell everyone I have to! I know what you're all thinking but please don't burst my bubble:) I can eat as much as I want on Thanksgiving. I have lost 4 pounds in the last couple of weeks anyways so I need to eat a lot!
Moving on. Does anyone want to bet on if its a boy or girl? Willy really wants a little boy (most guys do). I would really be happy either way. If you just give me a damn baby when this is all said and done I will be happy. Hell I would be happy with a baby with six toes if that means I get this baby. Anyways, my next ultrasound will be on the 7th and we just might be able to see if its a boy or girl. It is still a little early but we got lucky last time since little man was spread eagle just chillin:) So maybe this time we will get lucky too!
I haven't had any random phone calls from the doctor lately, which is a huge relief. After they ran all those tests I was just waiting for it. I am guessing that no news is good news? Hopefully anyways. I feel good, other than the normal yucky that goes along with pregnancy. I mean I feel like everything is going well. And even though I have moments of being extremely negative I am truely grateful for another oppertunity to try and have a baby. I know Willy is too. Just keep those fingers crossed for us:) You know what they say....Third times a charm!