Feeling Pregnant

I went to the doctor today. Everything is looking pretty good. My doctor is still waiting on results from one of the cultures they took but other than that, lookin good. We got to see the baby in an ultrasound. He/she was upsidedown:) The doctor said it is like the baby is in its own little kiddy pool swimmin the day away! Baby's little heart was beating and he/she is growing as expected. It's kindof a tear jerker to see that. I love it! I could seriously sit there for hours just watching. It is fun to see them move inside even if you can't feel it. We couldn't see if it was a boy or girl yet. Still too small BUT, we go in on the 21st and (assuming baby cooperates) she said there is a really good chance we would be able to tell. I am getting a lot of girl feedback this time around. Almost everyone I talk to is convinced it is a girl. I can't stop calling it a boy, so who really knows. I am anxious and excited to know!
My doctor was a little disappointed in me today, which made me feel bad. First, she was concerned because I have lost 4 pounds. She said that in the first trimester, losing weight is sometimes normal but, because I haven't been throwing up she is concerned that I am not eating enough. I don't understand how I have lost weight honestly. I guess maybe I don't eat enough but I sure feel like I do. Not to mention, I don't know how much ice cream I have eaten lately. No non-fat or anything either. Just plain old super yummy ice cream. I thought for sure I was going to be in trouble for gaining weight not losing it. I hope that we can get on the right track though. When I went to sign up for WIC, the nurse told me that based on my weight and height I should gain between 11 and 21 pounds during my pregnancy. I imagine that won't be hard once we get past this morning sickness (no its not gone yet). Although last time around I ended up losing over 20 pounds in the 17 weeks I was pregnant. I was sick the whole time though. I never got a break from being sick that time. It was literally every day all day. To eat something and keep it down was a huge task at that point. I haven't had as much of an issue this time around. Thank goodness! I suppose that is why I keep hoping that the morning sickness will pass. I hope I am not pulling the wool over my own eyes. She was also disappointed in the fact that I have not completely quit smoking. I know, I know I just need to quit. I can't figure out why this is so hard for me. I try, and try to find different ways to make it work but I always end up smoking again. I really wish I wouldn't have been so damn stubborn when I was younger (I blame you mom, and you can hold the "I told you so's") I should have never started smoking in the first place. It was the dumbest thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I have made some big mistakes. For those of you who have never smoked, don't, and those of you who use to smoke and quit, you amaze me, and for those still smoking.....good luck quitting, your gonna need it! I have made it a personal goal to not smoke a single cigarette for 24 hours straight starting right...............now 4:30am on 11/8/11. I will update tonight when I get to work and let you all know how I did:)
The other thing that I have been dealing with, which is more interesting than anything, is the dreams that I have. They are pretty intense, and by intense I mean very real like. A lot of them have people from my past in them, which is kindof interesting. The last week or so has been X-boyfriends....I know weird right. I guess maybe as a reminder of why I am not with them anymore? I don't know. It has been several different ones and all of them seem to be about breaking up with them. So in the beginning I am with this person again, and by the end we have broken up. Very strange but definately a good reminder that what I have in Willy is what I need. I am a lucky lady to have found the right one. And I suppose I owe all those x-boyfriends a thank you for showing me what I did NOT want in a guy:) Now when I get upset with Willy, I just have to say it could have been worse;) haha! Other dreams have consisted of babies of course and my dad. I am sad that my dad isn't here for this. And that is all I can say right now because I am at work and I can't start crying right now.
Well I better start rapping it up. I honestly could talk about it for days, but I will save some of it for another time! I am excited about what is to come! Oh I wanted to share a quote that I saw on facebook this morning.
"STOP being afraid of what could go wrong, and think of what could go right." Author unkown~
Such a simple phrase that means so much to me right now. It puts a smile on my face to think about all the things that could go right. I am looking forward to it! Love you all!